Inclusive Language: When and How to Properly Use it

To create a welcoming space, major corporations are choosing to use gender-neutral language.

Using someone’s correct pronouns leaves them feeling respected and seen as individuals but navigating inclusive language might be confusing for anyone new to it. The lines that define what’s acceptable can seem blurred.

Inclusive language is simply a way of communicating that is respectful and accurate for the people it applies to. Discussions on inclusive language often point to the importance of gender-neutral language.

Not only does it make a difference to your guests, but research also shows it’s important for your employees as well. Inclusive work cultures often lead to better performance and productivity.

But finding out what’s respectful and accurate to everyone is hard when Americans are pretty split over gender-neutral pronouns. While most younger people are comfortable using they/them pronouns, people over 50 are generally more hesitant. According to the Pew Research Center, America is split nearly 50/50. So if you cater to a variety of age groups, what are you supposed to do without alienating half of your client base?

Just use gender-neutral language

Here’s the simple answer: use gender-neutral terms whenever possible. People use they/them pronouns far more than they realize and chances are they won’t notice when your employees do.

This might be easier said than done. Gendered language has a way of sneaking into a lot of common sayings, however, you can’t necessarily assume someone’s gender just by looking at them.

So how do we change the language in common hospitality sayings?

When meeting a client, ask them for their name. Using your client’s name not only avoids misgendering them but also provides a more personal and unique experience.

Instead of saying: “Yes, sir/ma’am.”

Say: “Absolutely, Sam.” Or, “Yes, of course.”

Instead of saying: “Can you help the gentleman/lady at the counter?”

Say: “Can you help the guest at the counter?”

Instead of saying: “We’ll help every guest with his or her luggage.”

Say: “We’ll help every guest with their luggage.”

Small changes like these can make a world of difference to some patrons while still being subtle enough for those who aren’t usually comfortable with gender-neutral pronouns.

Keep in mind also that it’s perfectly acceptable to ask someone their pronouns if the situation calls for it. However, be respectful of a person’s privacy. Don’t ask them about their medical history or if they’ve had (or plan to have) gender-affirming surgeries.

A number of companies allow their employees to display their pronouns. This helps employees and customers feel included. They feel seen and can expect that their identities will be respected.

If you don’t think this won’t fly with your demographic, gender-neutral language is still a safe and inclusive approach.

Not-so-subtle differences

A couple walks into your lobby ready and your first instinct tells you that they’re husband and wife. But how can you be sure? Situations like this can be a bit more nuanced.

Much of the younger generations are swapping “husband/wife” and “girlfriend/boyfriend” with “partner.”

In many ways, this can be a great band-aid. You can’t always tell if a couple is married or dating just by looking at them nor can you assume their gender identity– so this is a great solution. It prevents you from misgendering or otherwise offending your clients.

For a couple of years now, younger couples of all sexualities have been opting for the term “partner.” According to the Washington Post, there are a few reasons for this swap. Firstly, “boyfriend/girlfriend” can feel a bit immature to some young adults. “Partner” has a more serious tone than can indicate maturity in the relationship.

Other reasons to say “partner”:

• It reflects balance in a relationship instead of traditional gender roles
• Educated young adults feel it’s more inclusive and appropriate
• It makes space for queer and gender-nonconforming people

Even Google reported that “my partner” is becoming a more popular search term. The Post says that in 2019, the term was eight times more popular than it was 15 years prior.

Though it’s gaining popularity in both heterosexual and LGBT spaces, “partner” might feel out of the ordinary to some of your clients. The term is most commonly used with younger generations and people with higher education.

You may have to look at your audience and decide what the right course of action is. Even if you aren’t an LGBT-focused business, 42% of adults know someone who is transgender and 26% know someone who uses gender-neutral pronouns. Even though your clients might not be transgender or nonbinary, they’ll probably notice when a business excludes the people they care about.

Mistakes happen

If you misgender someone or use language that they aren’t comfortable with – it’s not the time to let out a flood of apologies.

If someone corrects you for using the wrong pronouns or other non-inclusive languages a better response is simply, “I’m sorry, thank you for correcting me.” Acknowledge your mistake and move on. Five minutes of “I’m sorry”s and “I didn’t know”s aren’t fun for anyone involved.

Most people will understand that mistakes happen, just do your best to avoid it going forward.

Inclusivity in action

During the pandemic, Delta airlines announced its inclusivity initiative. They made a point that flight attendants would now focus on using gender-neutral language. Air Canada did the same thing about a year before Delta.

A Delta spokesperson told Paddle Your Own Kanoo, “Delta flight attendants greet our customers with gender-neutral language through our on-board announcements. Promoting inclusion throughout the travel journey is core to creating a safe, comfortable, and respectful space for all of our customers and employees.”

They’re doing this by phasing out terms like “ladies and gentleman.” They’ve also introduced inclusivity training throughout the company. While not everyone is comfortable with using gender-neutral pronouns, if you go about it the right way, it’s unlikely that gender-neutral language will hurt your business. After all, Delta is still the most popular airline.